You won’t be able to give anything to anyone without that. Unfortunately, we sometimes door slam with our hearts before we do it in reality but the reality slam is inevitable once the heart closes. Other people really don’t understand the door-slam thing, especially when it comes to family. Anna, thank you so much for sharing! She can’t admit that she has a problem. After all, cutting people off completely is not your go-to. Breathing was always easier after…, Now, at the age of 25 i have encountered someone who i have aready door-slammed twice but she just kicked the door right back at me. ( Log Out / Hi! There are still times when I miss her. This person can be anyone close to them — a romantic partner, family member, or dear friend. Good thing I’m quite independent :p. Thank you for sharing! They don’t discriminate. But this makes perfect fucking sense. INFJ door slam is a SELF PRESERVATION. The door-slam is an INFJ cutting someone out of their life completely, often without any discussion or warning. I door slammed someone very close to me without knowing it was called a door slam! I didnt matter and I only existed for her to live through me. It’s not something that they take lightly either. Turns out INFJs are no more likely to door-slam than ENTJs or ISFPs. ❤️, Thank you so much for sharing your story!! She has had the problem for more than 10 years. When I was 5, my parents got a divorce. See more ideas about Infj, Infj personality, Infj personality type. You cant be both sides of the transaction. She is the younger sister of my fiancé and she is adobted. Sometimes you have no choice but to do this especially if the person doesnt have the intention to change or improve the way treat you. "We crave resolution. And often, live blinds you to it or you simply put up with it because it’s ‘family’. It's like there was this written code to my personality and I'm only just becoming aware of the code! I’m sure there are others out there who need to hear it and will benefit from it too!! They go from being sad, hurt, and disheartened, to being … Having her in my life, I was being erased, like i wasnt a person of my own with my own interests, desires, or preferences. It’s not a first line of defense, though, from the outside, it may seem this way. that is why I hate when people say something about the people I value. ing. I am also going through the same thing. A door-slam is a solution of self preservation. In my experience people seem to understand when you ignore them hard enough. It eas never easy but it followed oceans of tears, heartache and hurt. In some cases, the INFJ will continue to have contact with the person they’ve door-slammed. Thanks for sharing!! Are you the rarest personality type? If someone is toxi… She had a rough life with her family so I even offert her a place at my house of she needed anything. In my life i usually got emotionally abusive friends – in elementary, high school, college and now at work. I work out! There are many benefits to being this personality type, including compassion, empathy, creativity and kindness, so treat your INFJ, and encourage them to treat themselves, with the love and respect they deserve. I no longer felt responsible for her problems. First one was a girl. Change ), You are commenting using your Google account. I doorslammed her afterwards. There is a safe way out of your unsafe situation. It is painful, but it’s so much better to protect your own mental health first. I can’t do the whole “Let’s be friends” thing. This includes blocking phone numbers, unfollowing and blocking on all social media and email, and even moving to a Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. It seems like a fairly harsh action for such a warm and caring type. The door-slam is a way for INFJs to cut toxic people out of their lives. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. I hope that you are able to get away from him and start healing. I have a family to care for, and doing that requires giving them my best self. I gave her a chance because she is important to my man, I should just listened to the warnings…, She is the most emotionally abusive and toxic person i have ever met. And sometimes I listen…well, other times maybe not.? But after years of me trying and failing, I realized there was something important missing. This is a great web page. It may seem like it’s extreme to outsiders, but INFJs are very sensitive individuals. ( Log Out / The INFJ has made the decision to move on and to them it is already done. " It was a huge mess, but eventually I got home safe. Change ). I’ve doorslammed my best friends (2). But when they get overwhelmed by noise, crowds or other people’s needs and emotions, they can become stressed, upset and need to retreat or even resort to the INFJ door slam! I agree fully with all of the relative information you’ve provided. That’s exactly how I have felt around a few people. My therapist had just lost her job, and my dad had finally given in to letting me visit during the day (because they had moved to a place so small there was nowhere for me to sleep) and a bunch of stuff happened. I’m so sorry that happened! to help give you the best experience we can. It’s certainly difficult to be in a situation like that, when she’s important to your fiance. So, I blocked her phone number on my phone and deleted her from my social media, with no warning or explanation. Jennifer, your explaination of you being erased makes perfect sense. I love myself. Endless forgiveness until suddenly, door slam. FYI, if there is a problem between us, and you ignore my attempts to resolve it, I CANNOT ACCEPT THAT. It’s really sad because we are only 2 years apart and were like twins growing up. They put their all into relationships and deeply effected by the way that they are treated, especially by those that they value the most. Very true. The most important thing for you is to portect your own mental and emotional health. Find out with these 21 striking images that any INFJ can relate to. But there is a line. "We crave resolution. I’ve done it several times with absolutely no regrets. The best thing I can tell you is to limit your contact with her as much as possible. It’s actually a last line of defense. Here are quotes about door-slamming from some of the people I surveyed: “I don’t really get the whole “door slamming” thing. The INFJ door slam is a logical, non-emotional decision. We did everything together. Oct 17, 2017 - Explore Luis Arroyo's board "INFJ MEMES", followed by 159 people on Pinterest. Like I said, she was my person. Always the people pleaser, they adapt their personalities to suit the people around them. And door-slam doesnt work on her, she keeps coming back. When an INFJ slams the door on a relationship, they will cut off all contact with that person and often attempt to wipe every trace of them from their life. I was so hurt and tired that I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s a last resort. They don’t want conflict and disharmony in their lives at all. I’ve also learned how to stand up to people, rather than just accept what they say. I spent years trying to help her, trying to make her see that she has a problem and needs help. Hi Sarah! I don’t have anything left in me to find the “why”, I am shedding the old me and it hurts like hell. The impact of that for me has been mostly positive. I hope it turns out ok for you! ( Log Out / ( Log Out / Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. A healthy INFJ will realize that there is nothing else that they can do but to cut the toxic person out of their life for good. I can’t imagine finding pictures of me like that. The INFJ door slam occurs when an INFJ personality cuts someone out of their life. I cannot do that if YOU ARE…. It doesn’t work for me. They will go way out of their way to make sure everyone around them is well taken care of. I feel betrayed by the very person who is supposed to protect me. ❤️❤️, Interesting post, sometimes the door slam is the only to heal. I wanted to get to know myself better and develop my sense of self. Or maybe you’re the door slamming INFJ who would like to better understand why you do what you do with people who’ve exhausted your compassion. The INFJ isn’t the only personality type to cut people out. I called him and told him no more. Before I even knew there was a name to it. I know their flaws but I accept this and I love them the way they are.I value their honesty and that makes me trust them. Of course, I still have his phone number. If we cannot get it, whether it is denied or the situation is just ignored, we resolve it ourselves. " Both hurt me very much and I really miss the memories cuz I don’t really have best friends anymore. Once the Door Slam has happened there is no going back. As an INFJ, I sometimes find myself at odds with my dominant function; introverted intuition. And when I felt i was suffocating because of that other person i made the move and never looked back. Mine is a live-in boyfriend of 7 years. INTPs actually ranked as the type most likely to door-slam, but even that was by a very small margin. But she betraid me. There is a lot of thought and consideration that goes into such measures. Other personality types do this to some extent, too, but for INFJs, it tends to be more frequent and intense. ( pardon my english, it’s not my native language). She is the last person I would’ve considered. But the biggest door-slam for me was my older sister. I’m so glad to hear you are doing so much better! Often I'd love to sink. It doesn’t matter what I do for her, she won’t get better until she can admit to herself and others that she has a problem. I no longer wanted to deal with her emotional abuse and her toxic behavior. If you have any edperience with a person like that i would be extreme grateful! You leave me no choice. I deserve to fully come into the being I was created to be. ❤️. This is when the INFJ completely closes the door on someone, shutting them out of their lives for good. It is when we cut off our emotional connections with others. A few years ago I decided that enough was enough. I’m so glad that you are doing better now! Oh yes!! And I can choose when I want to respond to him. A few days later I wrote a letter. My older sister has a substance abuse problem. I’ve used it on every boyfriend that I have ever had. INFJs will give everything to their people. I don’t waste my time stressing over people who don’t deserve my stress. Eventually I was just the babysitter for my two new half sisters (sounds similar Cinderella if you ask me). I put up with her lashing out at me numerous times, with her blaming me for her problems and demanding that I do something to help her. As an empath and introvert, I usually have strong intuitive feelings and thoughts about situations and people. I called her and she ended up calling the police. INFJs are the typical “all or nothing” kind of people. If we cannot get it, whether it is denied or the situation is just ignored, we resolve it ourselves. " But whether you know its abuse or not, it doesnt feel good. 3 years later, I’ve never been better! Lost her mother at a very young age, her father disowned her and her whole life is a tragedy. After a few weeks, we’re studying at the same college, she started spreading all kinds of weird gossips to break me…and she still does. This hurt can be caused by many things, including betrayal, narcissists or any kind of toxic presence. But it wouldn’t be true love for her if I continued to put up with it. I could never have imagined life without her. Hopefully …, INFJ door slam is a SELF PRESERVATION. This can be applied to anyone in the INFJs life: friends, family, significant other. He was depressed all the time and after absorbing so much without him doing anything about it or even thanking me for everything I did for him, I doorslammed him. I am not an easy-going person, it takes me effort, willingness and a bunch of time to loosen up and let somebody in… to be friends.
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